CHAPTER 18 - How To Conquer Frustration

SINCE WE are social creatures, all of us are affected to some degree every day by the conduct of those about us. The other fellow’s mood affects us; if he laughs and smiles, we laugh and smile. But if he is surly, angry, and hostile, that, too, will have its effect on us. Surrounded as we are by people, it is often difficult, if not impossible, to have our own way; and when we can’t have our own way, we often become frustrated. No one can do as he pleases in every situation. Who can have all he wants of everything? Who can long remain free of unpleasant responsibilities and duties? Is there anyone on earth who is not faced now and then with irksome frustrations?

As we grow older, most of us learn to handle such things. We catch the ball and throw it back; we don’t let it knock us down. We have learned how to accept the give-and-take of life. We keep up our courage, maintain a healthy sense of humor, and fight the good fight of faith. But not everyone has learned how to do this. There are those around us who suffer interminably tinder frustrations they have never learned how to handle. Often they feel they are facing a wall, which is thick, threatening, and impenetrable. They feel as if they were caught in a vise, which is slowly closing on them. The difficulty may be one of lingering illness, loneliness, or a family situation, which stubbornly refuses to come to adjustment. Perhaps a husband or wife has an unfaithful companion who refuses to settle down to a life of fidelity. What a trying situation that can be! Or the children as they grow up may be wandering away from the church that cradled them in the years of their childhood. Or it may be a matter of insufficient finances, a case where a fixed income is being bombarded month after month by a spiraling inflation. With one’s back everlastingly against the wall, and bills piling up, who can avoid a certain degree of frustration?

Of course, we cause a great many of our own frustrations by the way we live. Uncontrolled persons cause themselves, as well as others, many a headache. It ought to be possible for all of us to first analyze our problems and then do something constructive to heal the situation. A classic example of frustration is the New Testament account of Paul and Silas as they attempted to evangelize Asia Minor. They were all packed and ready to move into Bithynia, when the Spirit of the Lord said an emphatic “No!” The door they had planned to enter was slammed in their faces. That was frustrating! But what did they do about it? They simply accepted the closed door as being God’s will, then looked for another door that was open.

God never closes one door but what he opens another. Paul and Silas found that open door, entered, and what were the results? First, the church was established at Philippi and became Paul’s most beloved charge. Also, they found Lydia and won her to Christ. She probably was one of the most important and influential women of the early church. Third, they went through the painful, yet gloriously victorious experience in the Philippian jail, where, although they were fastened in stocks after being severely whipped, they sang songs in the night. As a result of this prayer meeting, the jail doors swung open and they could have escaped had they chosen to go. But they stayed, and as a result witnessed the conversion of their jailer and his entire family. You see, in forbidding Paul and Silas to enter Bithynia, God had a higher purpose in mind. Had they been disobedient, they would have missed the victories which later came to them, and probably would have failed miserably at Bithynia, God’s way is always the best way. Always! If you think his way is sometimes hard for you, remember that any other way is bound to be harder.

Sometimes when we are in difficulties with a person, or with our family, we need to sit down and take a good objective look at ourselves. It may be that our own poor attitudes are directly responsible for many of our troubles. Sometimes it is hard for us to realize how our personalities rub people the wrong way. We need to be absolutely honest in any such self-examination. So many times we are almost entirely responsible for our troubles.

Take the case of the big league baseball pitcher who went into a serious slump one season, losing several games in a row. Strange about a pitcher: some days he is just right and the ball goes sizzling across the plate under perfect control. But there are other days when he can’t control the ball for the life of him. While the slump was on, this pitcher couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. But next time he was really “in the groove” he had some slow-motion movies made as he pitched the game. Later, in another slump, he did the same thing. Afterward he set up two projectors side by side and showed both films at the same time. He found that when he was in a slump, he always pushed his left foot forward about three inches farther than when he was pitching well.

Of course, we who have never stood in his place would think that all he’d have to do to correct the defect would be to pull that left foot hack three inches. But this pitcher was smarter than that, so he asked himself why he was pushing that left foot forward. After considerable analysis, he came to the conclusion that it happened when he was “over-pressing”, and he was pressing because he was anxious and afraid, filled with apprehension. He happened to be a man of strong religious faith, so he began to pray earnestly about his problem and the cause of it. Before long he was his old self, his pitching once again under normal control.

This isn’t just a story. It is a good illustration of what happens to you and me once in awhile. God meant for us to live with faith in him; when fear replaces faith, we start pressing, just like this pitcher. We become tense, and our tension is quickly relayed to those about us. What we send out we get back. Poor attitudes result in poor living. Fear produces tenseness: then anxiety seizes us, and our whole personality changes. In such a state it is easy for us to become moody, blue, and irritable. It is easy also to blame all our trouble on someone else, making him the scapegoat for our own personality inadequacies. We need to learn that many frustrations, which cannot be handled in any other way can be taken care of with ease when we manifest a genuinely Christian spirit.

You can’t rid yourself of frustrations by fighting them. That is the wrong approach. Frustrations can be handled successfully only by a new inner Christian attitude. Remember, the very things, which are happening to you, have come to other people from time immemorial. These things are not unique to you. Paul told the Corinthians, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man” (1 Cor. 10:13). Then be added, “But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able.” But this is a promise only for those who live and walk in the spirit of Christ. One of our difficulties lies in the fact that so often we want God to deal with our problem, when he wants to deal with us, to change us. How often the power of the problem evaporates when he gets us where we ought to be. And again, we often want the Lord to change the other fellow’s attitudes, when if our attitude changed, his would follow. As Art Linkletter says, “People are funny!”

Again, many of our frustrations come because of the difference between our avowed ideals and our conduct. The resulting inner civil war tears us to pieces. The answer to this problem is humble, loving obedience to God. You won’t solve your personality problems, then, by moving to another state or taking, another job. You will carry your problems with you wherever you go until they are cleared up by your own change of attitude. A few years ago a New York bus driver, frustrated and bored, decided to do something about it. So one day, instead of following his usual route, he swung west across the George Washington Bridge and drove clear down to Florida. Not that this solved his problems, for he carried them all right along with him in the bus. The trip back to New York with the police was not nearly so exhilarating as was the trip south. We can conquer inner problems only by receiving inner help. The hobos, bums, and drifters seek to solve their problems by “chucking it all,” but they only add to their problems by turning their backs upon reality.

It would not be difficult to give you several psychological panaceas for frustration out of the textbooks, but let’s take a short-cut and say that to belong wholly to Christ, to manifest his spirit, and to love people with genuine Christian love is probably the only enduring answer to a sense of frustration because it deals directly with motives and with personal relationships. Of course, everyone experiences frustration to a certain degree. Jesus did. Listen, “Jesus, full of the Spirit, returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit for forty days in the wilderness” (Luke 4:1–2a).* Forty days without food. Have you ever been desperately hungry? Those were forty days of frustration. Forty days tempted by the devil. But because the Master held steadfast and true we read, “Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and ministered to him” (Matt. 4:11).*

We conquer every foe by living close to God, by being filled to overflowing with his love and grace; but the power must come from inside our hearts, as we give God full control. When we live in Christ, angels come to minister to us in time of need, just as they ministered to him. But the battle is in the heart, and victory will be found not in the changing of circumstances, but in fortifying your soul with the love of the Christ who said, “My peace I give unto you.” So don’t cry next time the door to some Bithynia is slammed in your face. Cheer up. Look up in faith and trust, and say, “Well, Lord, what better thing do you have in mind?” And ask it with the assurance that a “better something” is really there.

CHAPTER 19 - Faith Makes You Strong
Hebrew 11:6

FAITH is a powerful, life-changing commodity without which Christian victory and growth are impossible. And, as the Bible says, “Without faith it is impossible to please [God]” (Heb. 11:6). In Mark 11:22 Jesus said, “Have faith in God.” Faith is the attribute which has made such a radical difference in the lives of Christ’s most fruitful followers down across the centuries. By faith Abel offered a more excellent sacrifice than Cain. By faith Enoch was translated, that he should not see death. By faith Noah prepared an ark for the saving of his family. By faith Abram went out, not knowing where the hand of God might lead him. Faith gives rise to a quality of courage, which others lack.

Faith is at work in many of our ordinary procedures in life. A congregation calls a pastor because the people have faith in the quality of his leadership and in his relationship to God. When you buy an automobile, you are demonstrating faith in the dealer and in the thoroughness of someone’s manufacturing process. A young man proposes marriage to the one he has come to love because he has faith to believe she will make a good partner, wife, and mother. When you board a plane, you manifest faith in designer, builder, navigator and pilot; faith in radio and radar, in the refiners of fuel and oil; faith in the judgment and skill of maintenance mechanics and ground crews; faith in the constancy of natural law. When you give your allegiance to a certain congregation, you demonstrate a certain faith in its purposes, methods, doctrines, leadership, and spiritual integrity. You can’t live for a single day without faith in people and things.

But what is faith? Faith is a believing, trusting confidence in God, or in persons, or in commodities. Faith is sometimes the ability to believe what you cannot prove what you cannot see or touch. Faith is an unexplainable ability to be calm in the midst of the storm. It is assurance in the soul when others seem to have no basis for assurance. It is peace of mind because you are holding to an unseen hand. It is an active belief in the future when at present the sky is black as midnight. Faith is confidence in God and in his power to bring you through. It is an influence working for your good and Christian growth. It is strong, stubborn, optimistic, and aggressive. Faith not only holds the fort, it takes the offensive in life. “This is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith” (1 John 5:4).

But faith and fear are like oil and water; they do not mix well. One invariably overcomes the other. So to have faith is to conquer fear, and you can turn that around and say that to live in fear is to defeat faith. How do you conquer fear? The first step is to bring your fears out into the light and let the truth shine in upon them. By this I mean identify your fear; analyze it; find out exactly what it is and if possible from whence it came. Someone has said that fear is like an insect hiding under a rock. Lift the rock and watch it scoot. In a similar way, lift the lid from your fears and let the sunshine of God’s assuring presence shine in upon them. View them in the light of God’s love, God’s power, his will and promises to you. It takes a very persistent fear to stand up in the face of all this. But bring your fear out into the open before it becomes a real bogeyman. Demand that your fears be identified. Don’t let them become emotional habits with no foundation under them. Reduce them from the feeling stage to the fact stage and you will rid yourself of about 90 percent of your fears in the process.

Some people are forever stirred and made uneasy by an unreasonable anxiety. They are anxious and worried and have no idea why, but the cause can always be determined, for there is always a reason why we feel as we do. Once that reason has been discovered, every fear can be conquered as it is given up to God in faith, prayer, and obedience to his will. In the Parable of the Talents, the one-talented man said in explanation of his failure, “I was afraid” (Matt. 25:25). But the reason for his fear was that he was shirking his duty, failing in a trust, and exercising not one ounce of faith. When this happens, fear wields a very inhibiting influence. It takes our talents out of circulation and keeps us from becoming productive servants of God. Fear keeps a person from even attempting to do anything worthwhile. So fear is an enemy to be slain, and power to defeat it is to be found in a vital, living faith in God.

Faith isn’t enough; it must be faith in God. Everyone believes in something, but often their faith is in the wrong things, so it becomes a detriment instead of a help. There are thousands who have great faith in the power of evil, but little in the power of righteousness. They have more confidence in Satan’s power to ruin and destroy than they have in the power of God to redeem and keep. They have more faith in the world than in the church, more confidence in the military than in the invisible armaments of God with which he shields and protects his own. They have greater faith in the threats of the enemy than in the divine arm that is “mighty to save and strong to deliver.”

Have you ever read chapters 35 and 36 of Isaiah in a modern-speech translation? I hope you will do so, for it will bring encouragement to your soul. The account offers a powerful lesson in faith and trust in God. As the enemy of God’s people stood with a threatening army at the very gates of Jerusalem, he said arrogantly to Israel’s leaders, “On whom do you now rely?” daring them to trust in God in the face of such massed military might. But this is a good question for you and me to answer right now. On whom do we rely? Where is our confidence centered? In which direction are we looking for deliverance?

Glance back over the total history of God’s chosen people across the centuries. Did the Lord ever betray the trust of those who loved, obeyed, and served him with all their hearts? Did he ever betray the church in any emergency? Of course, cold Christians, or a cold church cannot expect to harvest a fruitage of faith and spiritual victory. But he who earnestly and sincerely strives to please God can afford to place his confidence unwaveringly in him. Faith begets faith, too. The early church certainly must have discovered an impetus to their faith as they watched Stephen, a man filled with the Holy Spirit and faith, first live and then die for the truth. When you exhibit a vital faith in God, it inspires others to follow your example. So trust, and be not afraid.

Isn’t fear actually the result of believing the wrong things, sometimes things that simply are not true? For example, when you fear death, isn’t it because your faith in the powers of destruction is greater than your belief in God’s keeping love and power, and in the power of Christ’s resurrection? Or this fear of old age: in this case your confidence and trust are actually being placed in your present physical strength. You are trusting yourself, and you know that this “outward man” is perishing day after day. So your poor confidence rests in the perishable things of earth, not in the One who said, “I am the Lord, I change not” (Mal. 3:6). Do you think the Lord is going to run off and leave you on your sixty-fifth birthday? Is God taking off on a journey the day you retire from shop or office, leaving you to your own resources? Have faith in the God who loves you; he owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

When taxes were due and Jesus’ little band of disciples had no money with which to pay them, the Master sent a man fishing, and this fellow caught a fish which had swallowed a coin of sufficient worth to pay all the taxes. Paul wrote to the Philippians, “My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (4:19). Isn’t this your promise, too? Faith isn’t just a theory; it really works. Don’t be afraid to try it. Of course, if you have faith in your failure, you will fail. If you say, “I’m going to fall,” you will fall. You will spend so much time worrying, burn up so much energy fretting, that you won’t have enough creative energy left to do your work.

Did the Lord give you that job? Then he’ll give you the ability to make good at it—if you trust him and apply yourself in a confident, relaxed way. Quit worrying and start producing. Quit fearing and begin studying and applying yourself. Have faith in God.

Do you fear criticism? Abnormal fear of criticism is the manifestation of a too-great self-consciousness. Don’t you realize that no one ever did anything really worthwhile without being criticized for it? Look at Nehemiah, rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. And Jesus, healing the sick, forgiving the sinful, doing good, but being criticized and persecuted every step of the way. When we are too fearful of criticism, it means we have too much pride and too little love for people. If this is your case, and you keep on in this frame of mind, you will eventually be covered with discouragement and a sense of defeat. But you can deliberately change this attitude to one of faith in God if you really desire to do so. Why not relax and leave results to him? Of course, no one enjoys criticism, but when your love is coupled with faith, you can “take it” without going into a nose-dive. When criticism defeats you, it is because you don’t handle it right, and if you strike back at your critics, you will be drawn into even deeper trouble. Have faith in God! If you deserve criticism, take it and profit by it; but if you don’t deserve it, why let it hurt or upset you? God knows your heart; keep your trust in him.

Faith is a productive tree, which bears best when planted in the garden of God’s love. It becomes stunted when transplanted in Satan’s territory. To promote faith in God, center your life, your plans, your ambitions, hopes, and all in him. Be obedient to his will. Love, serve, share, trust, give, praise, pray, and adore. Live in God! Then you will find it the easiest and most natural thing to trust him and believe his promises for you. You will second this word from Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand forever.” What is that word? Read verses 10 and 11, “Behold, the Lord will come with strong hand…He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather his lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom.” David wrote in Psalm 37:25, “I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.” Verse 28 adds: “For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved forever.”

We need also to remember that it is good health to trust the Lord, and bad health to worry, fear, and live in anxiety. Worry is a sin against your own body and can shorten your life and embitter your personality. Work may not hurt you, but worry can promote heart difficulties, bring on faulty digestion, and upset your sleep. Live the surrendered life before God, giving up life and its problems to him. He will lead you to a solution of your problems as you rest your heart in him.

Lord Shaftsbury stood one day at a London street crossing and, while waiting for traffic to clear, saw a little girl hesitating to cross the street alone. She looked up and said, “Please Sir! Will you help me across the street?” Later, Shaftsbury said, “That little girl’s confidence was the greatest compliment I ever had in my life.” Well, I wonder if God doesn’t feel complimented when you place your confidence in him and say, “Please Sir! Will you help me across?” Don’t you think you can trust him? I dare you to put your hand in his and see what happens.