Love Means You Have To Say, “I’m Sorry”


	Love Means You Have To Say, “I’m Sorry” (Continuing...)[ Selected ] October 23, 2003 Be Approachable... One of the most gracious things we can do is to make it easier for persons to apologize to us. This doesn't mean demanding an apology or hinting that one is in order. It means being authentic about our hurts, honest in our conversation, gentle in our attitude, perceptive in our listening. It's never hard to apologize to someone who already has his arms out to you. Because we're afraid of the closeness that asking and receiving forgiveness brings we sweep many conflicts under the rug including those within the church. We become great pretenders instead of great lovers. On the surface there appears to be sweet accord, but underneath resentment is building. Work Through Resentment... While I was leading a ministers' conference, a pastor came to me to discuss a great trial he was having. His congregation was split right down the middle over what appeared to be a rather small matter. After pouring out his heart for a few minutes, he exclaimed, "These people never forgive. You think you've gotten everything straightened out, then something happens and it comes out all over again." That's the price we pay for glossing over our animosities. Two contending families reportedly formed the nucleus of this dispute. I rather suspect that although each former controversy supposedly had been resolved the parties to it were careful to keep their distance. Thus there had never been reconciliation, only the effecting of a momentary truce. No man can order his heart to forgive. He can only suggest reasons for doing so. And he will need an ironclad case to convince his emotions they should be anything other than perverse. You may call it forgiveness by trying to overlook it. You may call it forgiveness by brushing the apology aside with a shallow remark such as, "That's okay. We all make mistakes." But if the forgiveness is going to stick, you'll have to get your feelings as well as your intellect involved in the process. Therefore, persons who genuinely wish to be significant to one another can never tolerate a pact between them outlawing discussion of their grievances. Love not only means that I have to say I'm sorry. It also means we'll have to keep on dialoging until my apology is accepted in your innermost parts. Let's not confuse being the church with going to the movies. [ The End ] back to main page